
This film is an illustration of how two people attracted to each other, unconsciously shared something in common and learned new ways of being with each other. Not all relationships may last a lifetime but what we learn can be valuable.
I imagine it is no surprise to you that this relational therapist is interested in themes that occur in films about romance (and heartbreak). I recently watched 500 days of Summer. Having originally seen this at the cinema when it was first released, I was encouraged to give it a rewatch at this point in time as, in my friend's opinion 'it hasn't aged well'. Wondering what she meant by this, and trying to gather my teenage self's opinions at the time, I gave it a go.
For those who are not aware of the film, please note, there are spoilers here in my CAT-analysis of 500 days of Summer.
My memories of this film were textured by fondness for the actors. I remember they were ubiquitous at the time. One analysis I can share is how, in this film, archetypes were played to perfection - the quintessential Puella 'Summer' role played by Zooey Deschanel and the Lover archetype 'Tom' played to perfection by Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Applying CAT to the characters
Let's say the core pain is Tom's emptiness he feels when he is alone. Tom is portrayed as an unrealistically optimistic love-seeking loner. In CAT terms, he lives as if 'feeling unloved/unlovable, I live a solitary existence and keep my expectations low to avoid disappointment (but secretly hope I can find 'the one' to rescue me with perfect love)'. This reinforces itself where he has a small circle of friends, gave up on his ambition of becoming an architect and seeks much needed support and advice through his younger sister. He does not seem to value himself to address his problems but looks outside of himself for the 'perfect girl' who can suddenly add colour to his grey and lonely life. And when he listens to The Smiths we meet Summer...
This is how we understand how Summer's character also shares a love of melancholy but with a different relational template. What we know about her is limited, yet the film creatively introduces a bias in the observer by letting us know she believes love is a fantasy because her parents divorced when she was a child. Summer may have a similar core pain to Tom but responds differently. We note she recently moved to LA and joined Tom's workplace. This hints at her 'live for the moment' approach. Summer's core pain may similarly be that 'no one understands or loves me for who I really am' so she presents with a fun, easy-going, no-strings kind of approach. At this stage I would put forward the core issues at the heart of these characters revolve around (mis)-attunement in relation to themselves and each other.
The story
When Summer meets Tom, they come across as enjoying each others company and things appear mutually-beneficial. We see Tom's perspective as he shares, in the words of Blink 182, all the small things he likes about her.
Summer openly tells Tom she is not looking for anything serious after they have become intimate. Timing is important. In some ways, there is power-play here because of the impact of hormones and the likelihood Tom will agree now that they have experienced intimacy, vasopressin is circulating around his body and he already identified her as a woman he was interested in pursuing to bring colour to his life.
Through the film we see the future and present. In the future we see how Tom is grieving the loss of Summer but we don't know how this ends yet. In the present we see Summer brushing off Tom's attempts at increasing intimacy and commitment. Tom shirks away from addressing this, as advised by his sister, as he on some level realises this may result in hearing what he does not want to hear. In CAT terms I perceive this as an avoidant trap. However I can also see how this is a potential relationship role - powerful/controlling to disempowered/controlled, where Summer has maintained some control over what can and cannot be curiously explored and recruited Tom to be disempowered and controlled. Tom's fear of rocking the boat outweighed his ability to be true to his needs - for more intimacy, which could reinforce an unmet need attached to his core pain and reignite deep wounds (un understandable option to navigate around without the emotional support of loved ones, or the scaffolding of a therapist). Tom whether consciously or unconsciously, willingly goes along with the status quo, hands over control and protects himself from a potential conversation which could reconnect him with feeling unloved.
The relationship ruptures when Tom becomes aggressive in a bar and Summer asks for space. Tom is upset about this but allows Summer her need for space. Then Summer turns up at Tom's flat. This bit confused me and seems like she had stronger feelings for Tom than she acknowledged at the time. The other aspect of this relates to the addiction of the highs and lows of a push-pull attachment dance which they seemed to be demonstrating by this scene. Alternatively, you could say this is a bit healthy in that they got to know each other a bit more deeply, both experienced distress and managed it in their own ways and then reunited. I am not sure much reflection occurred though based on the way the scene panned out...
Summer leaves her job and Tom despairs
This reunion is fleeting and they part ways for good this time. However Tom feels he needs to 'win her back'. This lack of acceptance of reality is difficult to watch, witnessing Tom's heartbreak and loss of interest in himself dwindle to even lower than it was at the beginning of the film. He is face to face with his own darkness and destruction - his shadow. Initially defended against working through the emotions connected with loss, reconnecting him with his deepest self-awareness, he tries every which way to get back the oxytocin high that temporarily offered respite when he was with Summer.
After a coincidental meeting and enjoyable time at a mutual friend's wedding, Tom inadvertently finds out Summer is marrying another person. I cannot remember how much time had passed by this stage (i.e. how many days - since knowing - Summer, I think, maybe 400?) but I have queries here around Summer's rationale because of how much this conflicted with her character earlier - a complete state switch.
It seems this realisation that Summer has moved on catalyses acceptance of reality for Tom. We see this illustrated with two versions of the party. One where Tom fantasises he and Summer are inseparable and intimately connected and the reality version where he notices she is engaged and introduces him to her friends with a slight critique of his career choice. Next, Tom quits his job and starts to confront himself. We see this in him reigniting his architecture ambition. After experiencing the pain of separation and no longer retreating to his dream scenario, he seems more confident and self-assured about what matters to him and what is realistically within his control.
The end scene was memorable. Summer shares how she felt sure with this new person in a way she never did with Tom. It sounds like a critical line to share with Tom. You could say he didn't really listen to her earlier so she needed to be blunt/harsh. On the other hand, was it Tom that offered her a space to try out and work through her misconceptions around love which readied her to now feel able to commit to someone?
What did I take away from this?
We meet all of ourselves when we enter into a relationship. We are offered unique opportunities to come face to face with childhood wounds and our ways of defending against them.
Tom says she was right, love doesn't exist, he became cynical and stopped being as fantastical as he was at the beginning - perhaps he realised his own sense of agency? Summer says, no, he was right to say those things because now she has found someone she wants to commit to, just by taking a risk with a friendly stranger in a coffee shop. Tom opened Summer's mind to what else may be possible. Possibly both discovered their own exits - Tom became accepting of his desire to become an architect and Summer discovered she can commit to someone she feels attraction towards. Tom wishes she is happy and it is then we realise he has processed the break-up and is able to let go, wish her well and move on...with Autumn.